Although foreign to most of the western world, arranged marriage statistics show that this type of union is often more successful than those we typically see. Common in India, Africa and in some parts of the Middle East, arranged marriages are decided by family members rather than by two people organically.
While forty to fifty percent of couples in the United States and Canada find themselves part of divorce rates, arranged marriage statistics show us an average divorce rate of 4 percent. Keep in mind that this figure is hotly debated because many point out that cultures partaking in these types of relationships do not support divorce.
The argument is that, if you’ll allow someone to arrange your marriage for you, you will also follow the norm and denounce divorce. Similarly divorce is decidedly more difficult in these countries compared to those in the west.
While the arranged marriage statistics may be encouraging, stories in the news regarding these types of unions are usually not wrapped up with a fairytale ending. We hear a lot about young women being killed by their families for not accepting a pre-determined partner. Of course, statistics related to this are not available.
On the other hand, we are also hearing about people in the western world choosing the pre-arranged marriage route out of respect for tradition. While they are free to choose their own partner, they’ve decided against it.
I found an article written by Aditya Mahajan (now removed from the Khaleej Times) that provided a very unique look at an Indian man’s point of view regarding arranged marriages. It is interesting to note that India, a country where most unions are pre-arranged, has the lowest divorce statistics in the entire world at only 1.1 percent. Surely this tells us something.
Advantages of Arranged Marriages
Just why these arranged marriages are so successful (aside from the denunciation of divorce that I mentioned earlier) can be a mystery to most. Since these relationships are chosen by family members, it seems that they are built on a set of moral values and beliefs.
A similar belief system is paramount to a successful relationship. Sure, you do see examples of people with different beliefs making it work, but it’s far easier when you have that building block established in the first place.
Secondly, a certain level of equality is achieved in these unions. I am not talking about gender equality because that is a different subject entirely. This has nothing to do with women’s rights or the like which is a novel unto itself.
What I’m talking about is equality when it comes to education, finances and world view. Since families do the matching, they tend to go for partners who are of equal stature. If you have a highly educated daughter, you aren’t going to match her with someone who didn’t finish highschool. This starts the relationship on equal footing and things can build from there.
Lastly, it alleviates a lot of pressure. When two people come together out of their own free will there is a lot of second-guessing and worrying. Does he love me? Am I saying the wrong thing? Will he propose? If you know you’ve already got your husband or wife in the bag (so to speak) it frees you to be who you truly are. There aren’t any games because you don’t need them! There are no arranged marriage statistics on this idea in particular, but it does make sense.
Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages
Obviously, the biggest disadvantage is not being able to choose the person you’ll be spending the rest of your life with. The freedom to choose – whether it be your partner, your career or your place in this world – is one of the greatest gifts we can be given. Choosing your husband or wife is a very personal decision and it impacts you forever. Life is difficult, but so much more manageable and enjoyable when you’re sharing it with the right person.
Let’s not forget about love. I’m not saying that arranged marriages aren’t full of love. In fact, I have met people in who say they have grown to love and appreciate their partner a
s much as, if not more than, someone they would have chosen themselves. I just think falling in-love is one of the most magical parts of being alive. The thrill of courtship and the feeling of your heart skipping a beat can never be replaced.
Another big disadvantage is that your in-laws will most likely play a pretty huge role in your life. If they helped choose your husband or wife, you’d better believe they’ll have a say in how you raise your children, where you live and most other aspects of your life. For some this is fine. For others, it’s a nightmare! Statistics show that meddling in-laws are a huge issue of contention in many marriages!
In Summary
While the arranged marriage statistics are promising, there is no wrong or right way to love. I believe that arranged marriages can work and that they can make some people very happy. I also, however, believe that love cannot be manufactured or created using a set of rules or ideals. I like the idea of choice. If you choose to have your marriage arranged, all the more power to you! The point is, you should be able to choose.
Hello,
I appreciate your analysis in marriages across the world. I’m basically from India where traditions and morals are considered to be god. I’m one among the victim where i was forced to get married. I don’t like my husband and the age gap between us is 8 years and his first approach towards me is Sex. I wanna be loved not to be used. I’m really frustrated and feel disgusted. I understand whatever decision am gonna take will affect both families. I wanna come out of this relationship and i got married just 45 days ago.
Thanks
SIKEI,
I was founding some arranged-marriage materials and suddenly I found your comment. Family might be a very decisive element in your culture and mine as well ( I’m from Taiwan), but no one will love you more than you yourself (even in the love-marriages), perhaps you can talk honestly with him, if he doesn’t listen to your voice, tell him you’re considering some way else to deal with your relationship!
I see no one has replied to your post, and that is a horrible condition to be in, So may I ask, have conditions in your marriage gotten worse or better? Or is it the same?
Without freedom, one cannot truly live or be happy. In other words, as many have said, freedom is worth dying for. You are right now bound in a culture which is killing your spirit and soul. I recommend you find a safe place and GO there. Don’t worry about what everyone will think. It’s a bunch of negative people trying to preserve their ways. Just do what is right for you, and you will always look back and realize it was the right decision. There are many many kind people in the world who will help you get on your own 2 feet. Don’t worry about what you take with you, just GO.
hi, I’m a high school student in the United States, who is writing a story to bring awareness to arranged marriages. For the story i need sources and from your story you seem like the perfect candidate. If interested, you can contact me ryespy17@gmail.com. Thank you!
Arranged marriage provides awesome family structure. Usually in India kids from family where parents fight or lack of trust exists they choose love marriage. In modern world many people have moved apart and backgroud verification becomes very complex (which is the first step in arranged marriage). That’s the only reason for failure nowadays. Otherwise its the best approach towards marriage.
arranged marriages are quite successful the part of the world where i live in, the people hailing from western society may view arranged marriages as very strange, but the truth is, both love and arranged marriages reach to the same meaning after a passage of some time, meaning, in love ,marriages, love diminishes and the couples have to work on their relationships to keep the intimacy alive, similarly in arranged marriages, the couple has to make efforts to build and then keep their relationships. in the west divorce rates are high, this really shows that love marriages are not very successful, most of the time the couples end up leaving their partners, in the arranged marriages, even though divorce rates are low, not all of the couples are happily in the relationship for ever.
as a matter of fact, more marriages either arranged or not end up being more a responsibility then intimacy afterwards, i think arranged marriages given its not forced and couples well know and agree to marry each other has an edge over love marriages, in arranged marriages not having freedom to divorce makes couples to work on their marriage and not destroy relationships over very small issues like ‘i fell out of love with my partner’ or ‘sex became boring’, i think divorcing based on these silly matters is very harmful to the very concept of marriage, and marriage means to work hard on your relationship and not to give up that easily, i think in the west this very notion of ‘freedom’ has destroyed the institution of marriage, and in the east ‘forced marriages’ are also giving a bad name to this institution
im not very good at explaining but hopefully i made my opinion clear
regards
Hammad
Hello, I have a girlfriend who I been with for 4 months now. I love her very much and hope to have a future with her, but there is one problem she has a college master degree and I have a high school degree. Her family wants an arranged marriage for her. Someone whos highly educated with a phd. What should I do ?
Hi Spencer. I think, rather than asking what you should do, you should be asking HER what SHE wants. Until you know that, you won’t know how to proceed. I wish you the very best with this difficult situation.