A lot of women spend agonizing hours asking themselves, “Is He the one?” They wrack their brains trying to decide if this is the man they’ll be walking down the aisle with. They ask themselves questions like, "Will he propose?" and, "Does he truly love me?" The majority of women want to get married and have children. Not knowing if or when this will happen can be a huge source of anxiety. In fact, this can be the exact stressor on a relationship that causes it to end! Talk about irony. Trying to get him to propose can have the exact opposite effect. Marriage ultimatums almost never work!
The truth of the matter is that there are signs that he’s not ready to commit. If you truly want to know "if he’s the one" for you, ask yourself the following questions and take it from there.
He makes you feel special.
No, I’m not talking about him letting you up-size your to-go order. The criteria is a tad stricter than that! I’m talking about making you feel valued, reassured and appreciated. Is he the one if he makes you feel like you're just like every other woman on the planet? NO!
In short, does he make you feel like the love of his life? If he’s constantly putting you on the back burner, he’s not the one. It’s that simple. When a man is truly in-love, he’ll go to the ends of the Earth to make you happy and to make you feel important. Actually, strike that. He won’t make you FEEL important...he’ll just make you important.
You share similar belief systems or a similar view on life.
I cannot stress this one enough! Statistics show that marriages built on differing core beliefs are doomed to fail.
Case in point, before I met my husband I was constantly in serious relationships with men who didn’t see the world as I do. I’m all about exploring, having grand adventures and doing crazy things (see the About Me page), but the men I dated only wanted me to stay at home, have babies and mind the house.
They didn’t encourage my fundamental need to “live outside the box.” Inevitably, those relationships failed. The relationship with my husband clicked because he encouraged me to fly knowing I would always return to the nest (happily, I might add)!
You can live with his flaws.
Yes, surprise, suprise, men have flaws (BTW...so do we chickies). Whether it’s merely annoying like leaving his underwear next to the hamper instead of in it, or whether it’s more serious like his intimacy issues, you have to decide if it’s a deal-breaker. Is he the one if he irritates you with every aspect of his personality? Doubtful!
You can’t go into a marriage expecting to change someone. It’s not fair. Sure, you can expect someone to grow and mature, but don’t fall in-love with person he COULD be. Fall in-love with the man he IS. That leads right into the next point...
He’s not interested in changing you.
A man who harps on your weight, your career, your looks, your mother...that’s not the man for you. In fact, you shouldn't wonder if he's the one...you should wonder how you're going to get his stuff to the curb!
Just like you should love a man for who he is, a man should love you for who you are. It’s a fair-trade agreement at its finest. Don’t let anyone push you to become someone you’re not. Being accepted for exactly who you are – flaws and all – is an honest to goodness gift. It creates a beautiful partnership that’s free to grow and flourish.
And finally, can you picture yourself with this man for the rest of your life?
Can you see yourself having his children, going through life's ups and downs and growing old together? Does the thought of him by your side make you excited or does it make you worried? Do you know that he will be able to protect, cherish and support you? Yes, I know, those are a lot of questions. Asking them is the only true way to answer the questions, "is he the one for me?"
If, after some serious consideration, you’ve realized that the man you’re with isn’t going to be your husband, give yourself a real chance of love. If you're answer to the question Is He The One? is MAYBE...keep exploring the relationship.
Learning to love yourself and ensuring that you are enough on your own will be the keys to finding the love of your life. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Is he the one you want to have a relationship with forever? Perhaps. Keep in mind, however, that you'll always HAVE to have a relationship with yourself!
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