Marriage Myths -
Facing Up to Fiction
There are so many marriage myths out there that I could literally devote pages and pages to them. It’s absolutely amazing the amount of misinformation there is just waiting to be gobbled up by unsuspecting spouses.
These myths only end up giving you heartache and headaches! Don’t buy into the crap. I hate to be blunt, but it’s the truth. Figure out the myths before you get married and you’ll save yourself that much more trouble!Get a cup of coffee, sit back and relax...this could take a while!
1. Marriage is Like Just Like They Show Us in the Movies.
HA! Fat chance. Marriage is hardly ever actually like it’s portrayed in the movies. Sure some Oscar winners get the dynamics right, but there is no way that a two hour story can accurately sum up the highs and lows of a
lifetime of marriage. In fact, you’ll notice that most of the stories end just when the marriage starts. Coincidence? I think not.
The sad part about this is that most people – children and teenagers included- get most of their information about marriage from Hollywood or from television. Since there are so few happy marriages as examples these days, there is really very little to draw from by way of example. This only perpetuates marriage myths.
Thus, we build up unrealistic expectations based on myths regarding how we’ll meet our soul mate, what they’ll be like and how our life together will unfold. Our entire knowledge base is built on a world that simply does not exist.
2. Marriage Makes You Complete.
This is a huge marriage myth. You have to be a whole person before you can create a successful relationship with another person. There is no way around this. One of the biggest and most destructive marriage myths out there is that you need a spouse to make you happy. If you’re not good enough on your own, you’ll never be good enough with someone else.
The truth of the
matter is that expecting another person to complete you places an
enormous and unfair amount of pressure on that person. You set that
person up to fail completely. A successful union is built on the idea
that two people are enough on their own, but that being together brings
great benefit to them both. Each partner has skills and gifts to bring
into the relationship...but none of those skills include being able to
make you whole. This is one of the marriage myths that can seriously destroy a relationship from the inside-out.
3. Marriage Should Be Easy.
I hear this marriage myth all the time. My friends complain that they must have chosen the wrong partner because being married is just so much work! Guess what? Marriage IS work! How could maintaining an intimate relationship through all the trials and tribulations of life be anything else? ANY relationship takes work. A marriage just takes more because it’s so much more involved!
Most people are so blinded by the wedding that they completely ignore the marriage to follow. When it arrives, they are shocked to note the lack of fanfare, festivity and ease! The key difference that people ignore is that a wedding is potentially about hundreds of people. A marriage is just about the two of you. It can be a shock to find out that you are now facing the world with just your spouse. The transition is extremely difficult for some people.
4. Marriage Means Turning Into Someone Else.
Wow. I have seen this time and time again especially (go figure) in my professional scuba diving career. I have seen many a newlywed regretfully take up scuba diving only because their partner is an avid scuba diver and not because they have any interest in it at all. In fact, one such lady had a fear of water AND fish. She was literally terrified. I pulled her aside to ask her why she would even want to attempt diving. Her answer? “We’re married now and married people have to do everything together.” Myth! Myth! One of the biggest marriage myths of all!
Being married doesn’t mean you give up your individuality. So many people try to converge into something someone else expects. You might as well start writing your divorce agreement at the same time. Maintaining your sense of self is vitally important. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t explore each other’s hobbies and find ways to spend time together. What I am saying is that you must not feel the need to morph into the same person! If you’re the same person, one of you has, in essence, been made redundant! YIKES!
5. Marriage is Full of Sex and Passion 24/7.
It is only natural for some of the passion to fade within any relationship over time. You won’t always want to jump each other’s bones. That doesn’t mean you’re not in-love and that doesn’t necessarily mean your spouse is getting his or her fix elsewhere.
It might, however, mean that you’re tired after chasing around kids
all day or that you’re angry because your spouse made a snarky comment
over dinner. In short, it’s normal not to want to make naughty time
every minute of every day! Saying it's not perpetuates marriage myths.
Maintaining passion takes work. I’ll be totally blunt and say that looking after yourself can be a big part of this. Listen, it’s easy to let things slide in the looks department over time, but spouses (men and women) need to keep themselves in good working order. Go to the gym, wear a nice outfit and do the things that you KNOW will get your spouse hot and bothered. It might not be easy to do when all you want to do is hop into a pair of sweats after work, but it will be worth the effort.
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