Sometimes it’s easy to ignore the reasons not to marry. We can get so caught up in the fairytale of a wedding, that we forget just how much work a marriage can be.
Sometimes it’s easy to gloss over problems and difficult situations when a diamond ring and big dress is waiting in the wings. It is, however, extremely important to go over any reasons not to marry.
Here are a few warning signs to consider…
1. You’re having serious doubts. This sounds simple and straightforward, but you’d be surprised how many people just hope their doubts are temporary. If you’re having nagging worries about your decision to get married, this is a big red flag. Subconsciously we usually know if a decision we are about to make is the right one. Ignoring that feeling of discontent can have serious consequences.
I would like to make it clear that there is a very big difference between having cold feet and having serious doubts. It’s normal to feel nervous and to worry about an upcoming marriage. It’s not normal to have the feeling that you’re about to make a serious mistake. In your heart of hearts, you know the difference.
2. You haven’t discussed serious issues. This is a big reason not to marry. These issues include finances, children, the division of labour, religion and so much more. It is vitally important that you explore these issues before you take the plunge.
Most people ignore these discussions because they a) don’t want to feel uncomfortable and/or b) they’re deathly afraid of the answers. It’s much better to know beforehand and, usually, it’s a lot of fun! In my mind, premarital counselling was a blast and it prepared us so much more than we’d ever considered.
3. You want someone else to make you happy. If you’re expecting your partner to be responsible for your happiness, you definitely aren’t ready to get married. Being comfortable, confident and secure in who you are as an individual is a very important ingredient for a happy union.
Take care of your excess emotional baggage before the wedding. Five years into a marriage is no time to realize you haven’t had enough time to “find yourself.”
4. You think marriage is like the movies. Think again! Making a relationship work long-term is work. Sometimes it’s fun work, but sometimes it’s mind-numbing, soul-crushing, heart-breaking WORK. If you aren’t ready for the icky parts of marriage, you aren’t ready for any of it.
Making a union work in today’s world requires creativity, determination and oodles of patience! Get ready to get your hands dirty…marriage is messy work.
5. You think your partner is absolutely perfect. If you think your partner is flawless, consider yourself delusional. No one is perfect. I believe that certain people are perfect for each other…but not without flaws.
If you can’t think of a single thing that annoys you about your mate, you don’t know him or her well enough! Put the bling on hold and start asking questions. Realizing she drives you crazy with her nail-biting or that he snores isn’t a bad thing. Get honest and make sure you REALLY know the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with.
Admitting there may be reasons not to marry within your relationship, isn’t the same as admitting defeat. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get married…it only means that you should reconsider getting married right now.
Take this as an opportunity to grow within your relationship and realize that exploring these areas of concern will most likely make your finalized union all the sweeter.